Episode 2: Reclaiming Yourself from Emotional Abuse
This episode is also available on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Deezer, Pandora, or wherever you stream your podcasts.
Make sure to listen to the end for “Get Down and Dirty with Dr. Cindy,” a delicious segment where I offer advice and practical guidance to callers willing to share their challenges and complicated relationship questions.
Call for Submissions: Would you like to share your story, and let other survivors know they aren’t alone? Call (719) 759-9471 and leave a voicemail up to three minutes, or email help@askdoctorcindy.com.
In this episode…
Protecting my right to peace, motherhood, and wellbeing has been a long, difficult journey. In this episode, I’ll explore the path of reclaiming my mental real estate in the face of ongoing harassment, and developing skillful responses to emotional abuse and threats to my belonging.
Tune in to find out how to interrupt the cycle of co-dependency and take back your right to have your own experience of being human, without having to become small, compromise yourself, or be a bandaid to another's gaping emotional wounds.
Practices for Reclaiming Yourself from Emotional Abuse:
1. “Know Thyself” — Take intentional time to get familiar with your own experience, and start to investigate “how can I best take care of myself, given what is arising?”
Mental literacy - practices for getting to know how your mind works (journaling, open awareness meditation, mindfulness-based cognitive therapy). Spending just a few minutes each day, being with yourself, giving yourself space to be just as you are, can be an opportunity to start to retrain your nervous system towards being worthy of your own attention. You are enough.
Physical literacy - practices to help you identify how you hold your body in different situations, notice areas of the body that are chronically tensing or bracing for an attack (trauma-informed yoga, body scan meditation, massage, dance/movement meditation, exercise, mindful walking)
Emotional literacy - cultivating the awareness of what you are feeling (identifying physical sensations) when you are feeling an emotion. Feel your feelings, rather than think your feelings. Allowing yourself to feel what you feel is a way of welcoming yourself to have your own experience.
2. Reset Boundaries — Get clear about what you are available for and what you are not available for.
Revisit your boundaries in writing to make them stick. Make a T-Chart, or download this worksheet, and post it somewhere visible as a reminder of your commitment to yourself.
Communicate these boundaries to others, and set expectations for yourself and others so that they respect the boundary.
3. Take Baby Steps — Go slowly with body awareness. Honor your body’s knowing. Establish safe anchors for attention first, before diving into the deep end.
Start with awareness of sensations in a part of the body that feels neutral or manageable, such as your hands or feet.
Use an external object of attention, or an object from nature such as a stone or a leaf, to practice cultivating present moment sensory awareness.
Give yourself regular opportunities to ground your attention in your own experience, and to come home to yourself.
Ask Doctor Cindy:
“Hi, Dr. Cindy. So I'm calling because my friend just came up for the weekend and they actually surprised me so I didn't know they were coming. But this past year, I've been doing a lot of work on myself, and I've perhaps changed quite a bit, but I am finally happy. And I feel so proud of how far I've come. And yet when I started telling them these things that I felt beautiful and and happy and healthy for the first time They started calling me selfish and they said that I was an a****** and that they were worried that I was becoming a narcissist and that I didn't care about anyone else. And so I'm calling you today because I really want advice, because this person is very important to me. And yet I never imagined that I would be someone with a friend who I thought really cared about me and then now… I'm just so confused. I'm just so confused because I can't go back to being small. I can't go back to being small, and I don't want to lose the friendship. So any advice you can give please and thank you. I look forward to your response.”
Tune in to the last 15 minutes of the episode to hear my response to this courageous question.
Remember to breathe, and to give yourself permission to rest in the present moment, and to be here with what is arising. Whatever you are feeling, whatever your experience, your emotions are valid. It is worthy of your time and care to give yourself the gift of your attention. Remember to give yourself permission to have your own experience, to come home to yourself, and to start to divert some of that energy that has been going towards the emotional wellbeing of others back to yourself, so that you’re prioritizing your own wellbeing. Welcoming you with love,
-Dr. Cindy
Submit your questions:
If you would like for your question or relationship challenge to be aired on a podcast episode, you can submit to Dr. Cindy by leaving a voicemail at (719) 759-9471. Your recording time will be limited to three minutes on this line, and you are welcome to use the entire time to share any relevant background or context that will help listeners connect to your story. Please remain anonymous, or use only a first name in this recording.
You are also welcome to submit questions or longer voice recordings via email to help@askdoctorcindy.com. I’ll make every effort to respond to every inquiry, either by email, in the blog, or during an episode. Please be patient, as it may take me a few weeks to get back to you.